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The 'boiling water' thread is comedy gold, but this deserved its own thread. In the spirit of state pride and to show those dumbass arrogant cocknozzles in Ann Arbor that we bear no ill will toward them (or their hideous pox-ridden low-rent whore mothers), let's all provide helpful suggestions for their next motivational pregame speech.
goodbar made a good start in the previous thread:
"Gentlemen, follow me here. You take an ordinary balloon. Just yer run of the mill balloon from a 100 balloon party pack or something. Color don't matter gentlemen, blue, red, green, this orange one I picked out here....don't matter. Now, by itself it's just a limp balloon. No life in it. BUT!! when you take a deep breath and...bloooooooow into the balloon - not anywhere else gentlemen! INTO the balloon, not around it or anywhere outside of the balloon - it expaaaaaaaaands. It gets bigger, o.k.? Tie it off and you have captured all that air inside the balloon. It's all there in one spot. Think about that gentlemen.
OK LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time. -- Leonard Bernstein
The theme or content doesn't matter, cause at the end when he pulls out a towel and takes a dump on it the team will be so fired up they will beat anybody.
Gentlemen, here in this pot may look to you like simple grass. What you need to know is that INSIDE the pot, there are roots that keep it grounded. Each moment, if you look closely (or have a microscope) you can see that it is actually LONGER than it was before! If you feed it correctly and give it water, it actually GROWS! So as you're on the bench today, keep that in mind... drinking water helps you grow and keeps you rooted. So lets get out there and GROW LIKE GRASS!!!
Watching grass grow.
Dominating Press Conferences Since 2007
"Look here gentlemen. This is an ordinary one dollar bill. I can't do much with this except buy something off the dollar menu at McDonalds. But look, if I just add 50 more cents and BOOM! I can buy a Coke out of this vending machine right here. That's what we gotta do out there tonight boys. We gotta look around the arena for 50 more cents, so we can buy a Coke"
Glaciers, just one short year and they move a whole inch! Those things carved out the great lakes in only a few thousand years! We will now watch a video of that whole process in real time...
Beeline posts a poster of the periodic table of elements. Points to it and asks if they know what it is. looks. Points to Fe on the table and asks if anybody knows what it is. "Hey coach, Derrrrrrrp!" "Wrong Mitch. That's Iron guys". Asks the team what is Iron. "It's a solid guys. If we play like Iron, or solid as in a solid cohesive unit, we'll win this thing. Alright bring it in lets go!"
This post was edited by Stan Sitwell 13 months ago
A man's gotta eat!
One word gentlemen:
OK LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
"Magnets. How do they work? Well, boys ... I don't know. Hell, nobody knows. But at the end of the day, magnets are like a team because they stick together. Except when you flip them around. Then they push each other away. But that's not what we're trying to do here. We're going to be magnets in this game. We're going to be attractive, not repulsive. Except for you, Mitch, of course. You look like one of those hillbillies from Deliverance got raped by a Sasquatch and got butt-pregnant. It happens -- I'm from West Virginia, I know about these things. Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah ... Go out there and be attractive, and later we'll have some fun putting iron filing beards on a bald hobo. WE ON! WE ON! What does that mean? I don't know. WE ON!"
Alright guys were playing the Rams. The Lions beat the Rams in football, and a Walvarine is wayyyyy better than a lion! So all we gotta fo is beat the Rams, like the Lions beat the Rams. Beat The Rams, Beat the Rams, Beat The Rams. Okay bring it in guys.
I also expect Michigan to show how water can go from liquid to solid by a phase change called freezing. Freezing cold is what the Michicant willbe shooting tomorrow. Boom, B___ phase change motivation half time speech. Phenomenal occurance.
"I'm gonna talk to you real quick about one of Life's biggest mysteries gentlemen: electricity. Where does it come from? How does it get piped into our houses or places of residence? Hell. Nobody knows. But it's pretty goddamned reliable ain't it? You turn the switch and 99.99 percent of the time the goddamn light comes on! How does that bulb know it's supposed to come on? Nobody sat down and said "Lightbulb! You need to come on!" Un-uh. It just comes on when its supposed to. Same with you gentlemen. Each and every one of you needs to come on when yer supposed to. Be mysterious gentlemen. Be electricity.
OK LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
Any of the queries raised in this video are fair game as far as motivation goes.
Insane Clown Posse music video Miracles from their smash album Bang Pow Boom.
Get the album here http://secure.hatchetgear.com/v3/shop.php?it=5&ds=3991 or here
"Instant coffee. Let that sink in for a minute gentlemen. Gimme a show of hands when yer ready to hear the rest. O.k. we got a couple in the back there still lettin' that concept soak in. Iiiiiinnnnstant coffee. O.k. good. Here we go....instant coffee..........hell, I got nothin'. Thought I'd shoot from the hip here on this one guys but I'm drawin' a blank here. Let's just bring it in o.k.? Instant coffee on three. Ready? 1,2,3 INSTANT COFFEE!!!!
OK LETS GOOOOOOOOOO!"
Round of 64 rings!
"Who here has heard about hard boiled eggs? With the, the, the.... shell, and the yoke and the, oh, what's it called? all that white stuff around the yellow part? Well, that's a metaphor gentlemen. A metaphor for us! Because we're all solid on the inside and not runny like a regular egg. And me? I'm the yellow yoke right down in the middle there in the center of all of the egg parts all tucked inside this shell....thing...that's all around the whole deal, see?
And think about THIS gentlemen: that team in the other locker room....what does it want to do? That's right, it wants to crack you, gentlemen. Crack you, gently peel all the shell remnants off of you, maybe dash a tiny bit of salt on you to add some delicious flavor - not too much though, salt in large amounts is NOT healthy for you. At all. Now! Here's the deal guys: stay uncracked. Stay uneaten. Stay uneaten gentlemen and we move on. This hard boiled team is going all the way. I feel it.
OK LETS GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
"Here we go, guys. I'd like to tell you that I know exactly how we're gonna beat VCU. But I haven't got the foggiest idea. It doesn't matter, though, because sometimes you have to embrace the mystery of life. I'm going to talk to you about something we all experience all the time, but can't explain. I'm talking about bed rain. You know, when you go to sleep in a nice dry bed, and when you wake up in the morning, you discover that a small localized rainstorm has come in during the night and soaked the middle part of your bed and footie PJs? We've all been there -- hell, Stauskas had one last night that soaked him clear up to his neck!"
"So, we could sit here and worry about this mysterious atmospheric occurrence. We could ponder how the rain cloud manages to get underneath the bedspread and only soak the sheets. We could even question why our beds smell like Devin Gardner after his awesome 'Yakkity Sax' play. But why bother? Just accept the crotch-soaking wonder that is UM basketball. WEE ON!"
B___: Snowflakes, they pile up, you guys.
Mitch McGramps: Yep. That's where mountains come from.
B___: ( FML this kid is stupid) Uh, yeah, LET'S GO, YOU GUYS!
He's working furiously on installing a wedge offense. Robinson's length divided by McGary's width creates a substantial mechanical advantage.
MA = ______
This post was edited by WBill19542 13 months ago
The sky is only one sun away from daytime.
See guys... you can turn bread into toast. But you can't turn toast into bread. Got it? Alright, bring it in!
What about the angle? Just ignore it for this system? And friction? Irrelevant I suppose, since it gives a mechanical disadvantage and B___ doesn't want that.
[Grills steak to a perfect medium rare]
"See guys, you can't just be all sizzle and no steak out there"
Their old favorite......baking cakes.
Gentlemen, it's come to my attention that adding salt to water raises the boiling point. So uh, let's make sure that nothing salty gets added to our water tonight.
tRCMB - Visit at your own risk of being disgusted.
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