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crapped his pants while getting a Slurpee? that was a classic post/thread. He doesn't post here anymore, right?
That's right. Thank you - I was thinking about that thread and I couldn't remember his name.
This is one of the most efficient threads I've seen on this board.
Don't post poop!
It was terrifyingly efficient.
That's one thread that I remember. It prompted dozens of people to share their own "poopy pants" stories. A true classic.
I'd buy a copy of that thread if I could (I'm not kidding).
It was grossly hilarious and was good because everyone has had that moment or at least scares of that moment. In fact, I was reminded of it when I had near-Mitch experience this morning.
This is one I copy and pasted off the old board....
I had to call in to work this morning and tell them that I won't be in because I exercised some of the worst judgment in my life during the last 10 hours. I need to vent.
Backstory: There is this girl that I dated some time ago and she was crazy as hell but she looked good and liked to spread 'em so things worked out well for us. Well, things were all great until she started stealing money from me during the middle fo the night and I had to confront her one morning by chasing her out of the house. That is the short version of who this chick is.
After the above incident, she started stalking me, hard-****ing-core! It was crazy as hell. She egged my condo and my BMW and she smashed my mail box. She was making calls to me at all hours of the night and she was loading up my e-mail with crazy messages. My first insitinct was to beat the ****, but instead of that I had to get an order from the court for her to stay away.
Cut to last night. I'm out at the bar with some friends. I am loaded. Big-time. I see this girl at the bar and my buddies start making jokes. They start egging me on to go up to her and slap her ass. I am up for this challenge.
I approach her and she sees me coming. She is standoffish because she is clearly pissed off about the restraining order. I can see her point. I proceed to lick her face. She does not like this very much and slaps me in the johnson. I give her a tittie twister and she kicks me in the shin-bone. I start to laugh and so does she. We talked for a while about nonsense and end up back at my place. Just like old times.
I got my ding-dong sloppy and passed out. I woke up this morning and I am not feeling good at all. I am hung-over, but I realize what I have done in relation to bringing this crazy ***** back into my pad.
She is not in the bed. I yell her name and I get no response. I panic and I start looking for her. She is gone. At the same time I start to feel really bad and I realize that I have to take an explosive ****. Bad.
I run into the bathroom and I slip and fallt othe ground. I slipped on one of my credit cards that was on the bathroom floor. it was cut in half along with all my other creadit cards. The ***** cut them all in half!!!!
I am pissed but I have to **** really bad. I pull down my pants and quick sit down and blow ass. I get done and stand up to look over the damamge to view my poop and my money in the toilet together.
The ***** threw my money in the ****ter and now I just took a dump all over it. Not only that, but there was a certified check in there for $500!!!! But wait, that is not all. I see somthing shining at the bottom of the brown stool and I stir things up with the plunger only to find my car keys in there as well!!!!!!
I had to fish them out with a coathanger so I could boil them. When I was trying to fish them out the smell of the poop made me throw up in the bathtub and it is all chunky from the tatertots I ate last night. So, I have to clean that up as well!!!!
I missed work cause I feel like **** and my keys are boiling on the stove and I don't have any money or charge cards to use and I need to go christmas shopping! This ****ING SUCKS!!!!
Well done sir. This is why that board must live on in some form. Pure gold.
Trust me, it gets more and more tenuous the older you get. As Edward Cole (Jack Nicholson) said in the Bucket List, never trust a fart.
Its five o'clock somewhere.
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