MSU Red Cedar Message Board

Very similar situation/feelings with my dad. Father's Day still irritates me a little and it will be 7 years this saturday.

Cadencefan- Time really does make it better. Feel free to PM me if you like to just talk.

Sorry to hear it. Sending prayers your way!

that is still one of the funniest things I have read on this board.

Please keep your sense of humor, and feel free to harass me anytime you need to.

My dad it going through a lot right now, I wish I could be there the way you have been.

Takecare.

Sorry man. Thoughts with you.

Wednesday marks 11 years since I lost my mother to cancer - she was 45, I was 14. As the oldest of 3, I also understand your pain and the responsibility of taking care of her (and subsequently my brothers).

My thoughts are with you.

I am not sure the missing part ever goes away. Or the fleeting thoughts of something you need to ask them, or tell them, before your brain remembers to tell your heart they are gone. Just take comfort in knowing you were there for her and shared some special final moments with her. Peace comes with time and grief runs its own course for us all. There will always be someone here who gets it and who will listen if you need us to.

I lost my father at the end of 1984. Mom and Dad were planning for a ist trip to Florida. He got sick and ended up with a heart valve operation at 76. Went downhill from then and spent 2 mos in agony either in ICU or regular room. Of course it was hard on mom and the rest of the family. My mother lived alone after that, except for a cat, until Nov. 1998 when she had a stroke and passed away a Dec 6. at age 89. We were fortunate she was in good health most of the time and we did many family activities together over the years and didn't live too far. She really enjoyed her grandkids.

Really , life stories are too long to elaborate, but we all still miss them and their influences have not been lost. Now that I am turning 70 myself this year, I am increasingly aware of what they were going through and life's progressions.

Remember the best and keep the worst in perspective.

My dad is battling cancer right now. It has been a tough battle so far. Larynx, lymphnodes, its a mess. It kills me to be 600 miles away, but I cant change it. And quite frankly, my dad wouldnt have me change it because he knows that my family is in a position where it is best for us.

But everyday I worry. He is 79 and drives from Lansing to um once a week for Chemo. Doesnt get home until 8pm, and then the next morning he out working again. He is a tough lil bugger, but he is 79.

Their 50th wedding anniversary is this September. Im hoping we have good news from the doc before then. He is a battler, but it sucks to know he is battling and Im not there to help.

anyways, rambling. later.

I have been trying to get my mom on the phone to see what the options are for shuttles, but she is probably out shopping, or something. Those two never stop.

I have 3 brothers in Lansing and all 3 of them have offered to drive them to aa. My dad's theory is that right now he doesnt NEED help, and they should save that time off work,etc. for days when he actually NEEDS it. He is pretty independent. He is still installing furnaces, doing service calls, etc all over Lansing/East Lansing. A lot of the slum lords in EL hire my dad for the service work because he is so freaking cheap. But he figures as long as he is paying his bills, he is making enough money. So, pretty active, all the time.

He's a stubborn old man, which is why I figure he is going to beat the hell out of cancer, but it is putting up a pretty good fight of it's own.

This.

The missing never really goes away, but the pain you feel NOW will be reduced with time. As you process the grief, it will get easier, and you Will deal with it. but that takes time.

A book that has helped some people is "The Courage To Grieve". It is not, repeat not an easy read. But it is probably in your library, and I found it helpful when my own mother died. It even helped with some of the stuff from my father's death, and he died 15 years before Mom did. I have shared it with others who were grieving the loss of a parent, and they seemed to appreciate it. I hope it helps you get through this. It is NOT a quick fix, it is not "a self-help book". Nothing can speed up the grieving process. Everyone is different, it is a different duration for each person. But there are things that can prolong it unnecessarily, and this book absolutely helps with that sort of stuff.

That was one of the best stories I've ever read on this place. I am so sorry. You, on the other hand, have nothing to be sorry for--you were there for your mom and took care of her when others were pretty lame. You can look yourself in the mirror and have no regrets--nothing left on the table. I really am terribly sorry for you. They never leave you, though. Even after quite a few years, I think of something I have to tell mom or something where I need help/advice from dad. It's hard to believe we live in a world without our parents. But, we do. We plug along, and it really does get better with time. Good luck...

Thank you so much, everyone, for your comforting words and stories of your own. It makes me feel not so alone. I got home, found that I left my phone on my desk and went back to get it. That was an hour of peaceful driving. Stopped at boyfriend's house on the way back. We gave the sheep and starter calf their water and watched his daughter take the calf for a walk (4H project). It was calming. He has been so supportive even though he's a "tough guy" :). You are all good people