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NYT - Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?

  • Thank goodness we all have each other here on the RCMB! woot

    Seriously though, thought this was a really good story from the New York Times recently about the difficulties of making "close" friends after you've reached your 30's. They had a segment with the writer of the story on NPR to talk about it a couple days ago.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all

    This post was edited by Trevor Barnes on 7/19/2012 at 9:02 AM

    NY Times Advertisement

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all

    www.nytimes.com

    Trevor Barnes

  • This article was great. I used to think it was hard to make friends because I'm such a prick but now I realize it's just tough for everyone, and I'm not a prick.

    JMCSpartan08

  • JMCSpartan08 said...

    This article was great. I used to think it was hard to make friends because I'm such a prick but now I realize it's just tough for everyone, and I'm not a prick.

    Well, it could actually be both.

    Trevor Barnes

  • You'll meet a lot of 30something friends in the future years on children's playdates.

    signature image

    Giant Moose

  • Trevor Barnes said...

    Well, it could actually be both.

    This.

    PRStoetzer

  • Giant Moose said...

    You'll meet a lot of 30something friends in the future years on children's playdates.

    “I spend whole days with people, I’m like, I never would have hung out with you, I didn’t choose you. Our children chose each other. Based on no criteria, by the way. They’re the same size.”

    Phil McCrackin

  • Giant Moose said...

    You'll meet a lot of 30something friends in the future years on children's playdates.

    ADDING children to the mix muddles things further. Suddenly, you are surrounded by a new circle of parent friends — but the emotional ties can be tenuous at best, as the comedian Louis C. K. related in one stand-up routine: “I spend whole days with people, I’m like, I never would have hung out with you, I didn’t choose you. Our children chose each other. Based on no criteria, by the way. They’re the same size.”

    Trevor Barnes

  • So you're telling me I have 5 years to finally make a friend or risk dying alone? I guess I'll get around to that...

    Final Countdown

  • 1 word: Weed - it brings people together (puff, puff, give)

    Narwhal

  • Final Countdown said...

    So you're telling me I have 5 years to finally make a friend or risk dying alone? I guess I'll get around to that...

    I'm going to put it off and hope that when I'm 60 they'll have time travel and I can fix it then.

    CivilEGR

  • Trevor Barnes said...

    Well, it could actually be both.

    I don't see how that's possible.

    JMCSpartan08

  • Giant Moose said...

    You'll meet a lot of 30something friends in the future years on children's playdates.

    True, but most are temporary/situational friends. Maybe not if you're in a small town with one or two schools. Some of my parents' best friends were those they met because of my brother and me being friends with their kids.

    Our kids' friends generally have nice parents who are around the same age, are facing the same issues, and likely have a similar worldview as you because you're sending your kids to the same school. You can count on them to do the occasional pick up or drop off, and look after your kid with about the same care you would. You invite them over with their kids and have drinks while the kids play.

    But once the kids are in different schools or one of you moves, those friendships fizzle as you (and they) get busy building a new social circle with other parents and other kids. The most tangible bond was the children.

    Manhattan Green

  • Well this article sums up my current life perfectly.

    Just turned 30: check
    Recently moved away from Chicago to small town Michigan with local friend pool very limited: check
    Wife pregnant: check (viatnamese)

    At least Ill have friends soon enough when my kids find them for me, per Louis CK

    signature image

    BrodieMSU

  • I'm at the kids stage. I'm teaching my kids to pick friends based on the hotness and boob size of the mom.

    does anyone live in a Stepford neighborhood? The drama is more childish than high school. I dont know how those people can pretend so much.

    ByTor20084

  • By-Tor said...

    I'm at the kids stage. I'm teaching my kids to pick friends based on the hotness and boob size of the mom.

    does anyone live in a Stepford neighborhood? The drama is more childish than high school. I dont know how those people can pretend so much.

    I do. The women around here have become rather full of themselves, and really think they are hot shit. The best, is the extremely obese lady who got her stomach stapled and lost a ton of weight. I told her husband I think the doctor screwed up and left a stick up her ass because she was much nicer when she was fat. The funny thing is no matter how much weight she's lost, she still has her old face so I don't know why she thinks she is all the sudden good looking.

    We have consciously made the decision to pull back from these people. It really is worse than junior high school.

    Cement23588

  • Being 24 and just starting grad school in a new city...holy shit that article was depressing.

    signature image

    ashamanAJSV

  • CivilEGR said...

    I'm going to put it off and hope that when I'm 60 they'll have time travel and I can fix it then.

    I recently watched a really interesting show that basically explained that time travel is possible, but only forward in time, as we know physics today. At that, you are just stuck in the future and can't come back.

    El Doctor B

  • Giant Moose said...

    You'll meet a lot of 30something friends in the future years on children's playdates.

    This isn't entirely accurate. Some of the parents of my kids friends are people I'd never hang out with, due to some of the reasons listed in the article. But you are sometimes forced to for you kid's sake.

    Nommad

  • Interesting article and pretty spot on. I certainly have situational friends with whom I'll share a beer on occasion: parents of my kids' friends, other parents at soccer tournaments, neighbors, etc. Even the husbands of my wife's friends, whom I've known for 15 + yrs and are all pretty cool, would probably fall out of my life if it weren't for the wives. Or my law partners, whom I spend most of my waking days with maintaining my livelihood, aren't as close as my high school and college friends. Although I've never thought about it, the article was correct in saying that it was proximity and unplanned, spontaneous meetings that form lasting friendships. You just don't have that anymore once a job, mortgage, wife and kids are all added.

    However, if you make it to 30 and above with a small core of good friends, I think you'll be in good shape. It's quality, not quantity, when your "friend-time" becomes limited, even if they're spread across the country.

    16ozIPA

  • I think the key word that comes up a few times in the article is exploration. Many people tend to stop doing new things as they get older, which is when you tend to really bond with the people around you. I'm 32 but I've made some of my closest friends just in these past few years because I've been involved in some projects that have pushed me way beyond my comfort zone.

    Francis Whitman

  • All I need are drinking partners and those are easy to find.

    Spartytruth

  • Unfortunately that article is true. However I have made two really close buddies here in fla and I'm thankful for at least that.

    Keeping the sunshiners in check since 2000.

    Tanfan

  • "I don't know what you guys are talking about, I make friends everywhere I go. They don't seem to mind that I'm an asswipe."

    -Drugs Delaney

    signature image signature image signature image

    Punisher99

  • Sad but true. I miss having a build-in friend pool.

    Natron tSpartan

  • At the age of 44 I moved from Detroit area to a small town in SE Indiana (Batesville) and knew no one when I moved here. Still here 2 years later and while I have made some friends, can't say that I've made any close friends that I would stay in contact with if/when I move from here. I am single with no kids.

    Spartan Punk