MSU Red Cedar Message Board

I'm planning a friends' party right now and a friend included this douche that used to work with the groom who said we're all "douches" and "faggots" if we're not in for at least $800 and bringing stippers to nightclubs.

Also, he said that we're idiots for going to college or currently being in college.

Yay.

Awesome.

Just ask your friend WHAT HE WANTS TO DO. Lock it.

I Did. And I told people what he wants to do. And yet, people defy it. Lame.

Then tell him. And see if he wants to still hang with the penises. Or hang out with his real friends and do what he wants. This could be a defining moment for him and who his real friends are.

Fixed.

Don't remember doing any blow with him nor do I remember blowing him. I was pretty drunk that night though.

Ex-BIL had his party at a hall with most of his relatives there...cousins, uncles, even his dad...so I figure it's gonna be a pretty tame evening. Eat dinner and start playing cards.

Two chicks walk into the room. One of them was very cute but just a little chunky. The other was hotter than hell but had kind of an edgy-angry look to her. Chunky walks through our tables with a big smile, flairing her dress to expose her puss. Turned out a couple of my BIL's buddies hired some hookers.

They go through a dance routine lasting less than 2 minutes before all their clothes are off. They get the groom on the floor and take turns rubbing their snatches on his face and lap dancing him. One goes to unzip his pants but he pushed her hands away and tells them no. They proceed to pull out a doubled-ended dildo that had to be at least 16". With Chunky sitting on his face and Angry grinding his crotch, they each swallow half of the dildo and kiss at the middle. Angry gags, pulls away and pukes a little on the groom...sending him out of the picture to clean up.

Chunky and Angry resumed kissing at the middle of the dildo. It then went puss-to-puss, backward doggy-style. Angry eventually pulled off, pulled the thing out of Chunky and they maneuver to 69. Almost dead silence in the room except for lapping sounds, moans, and heavy breathing.

Angry eventually rolls off the top and asks for a cigar. We had plenty of them. Light one up, she takes a few puffs and puts it in her cooter. Took her a few kegels to get it going but you could see the embers getting redder when she 'inhaled'. She was looking really tired after a few minutes and asked for a cigarette instead. Not sure who smoked the rest of her cigar.

When the show was over Chunky announced they were open for business in the bathroom...$50 bjers & $100 pokes.

edit: Reminisced the night with a buddy today. Got the pricing wrong. It was $50 a bj, $75 for the cooch, or $100 for a half-and-half

How much for the Pennicilin?

Johnny Marr brought that along for free.

I have several but this is the best one:

Rented a cabin up at Houghton Lake for a long weekend of debauchery. Weekend was awesome, fishing, gambling, grilling, beer pong etc. The last night my buddy had a few strippers drive up from GR. They didn't get there until like 4am and they were definitely high on something but it didn't take them long to get butt naked and start doing their thing. After they're done with the groom they start going around the room doing lap dances. At one point one of the chicks grabs one of the guys and pulls him into the bathroom. We think maybe she's blowing him or something but the water is running and this guy isn't the type that would do that.

After a couple minutes the chick walks out of the bathroom, whispers something to the other girls and they all grab their clothes and run out. We're all like wtf just happened and then the dude walks out with blood on his shorts. While the stripper was giving him the lap dance she had her period and it got all over his white shorts and his leg.

We still call him the red baron to this day.

OK, I'm at this strip club and this fuckin dancer is annoying the fuck out of me. Not particularly hot, no real hustle but just constantly bitching. I'm trapped and I can't leave and I don't think she has any idea how close she is to me choking the shit out of her. I guess if she took 2 seconds to stop bitching about everything and looked at me typing this right now she might realize.

I'm not from Canada and don't particularly like it, but I'm going to stand up for the Great White North for a second.

I've been to strip clubs in detroit and windsor. They both have talent. However, if I'm paying a girl to take her clothes off, she better get fucking naked. I want to be drinking, too, so I get real annoyed with the stupid Michigan laws real fast. In Canada, that is not a problem.

I'm also paying them to be naked and dance, but about the last thing I really want is a nasty-ass stripper to be grinding her gonorrheac puss on me, especially since it's probably covered in at least twenty other guys' pre. So I actually prefer not touching strippers. Canada seems to have the right balance for me. It's not for everyone, but I like it. Plus, I've never had my ass kicked there.

Now, a story:

My friend's b-party was pretty standard. We started at Greektown and gave him a wad of cash to "high roll" it for a while. He lost it almost immediately, so we moved on to the strip clubs. I was already drunk, so I don;t even remember which ones, but the last club was shady to the Nth degree. He had two douchey executive friends who seemed to know the place and disappeared immediately with some girls to the bathroom to get a job called blow (and some other things, IDK what). Every other girl in the club reminded me of either Bea Arthur or Anna Nicole Smith (later years minus most of the boobs), so I was not interested. Then, the bachelor's dad(!?) bought me two songs with one of the Anna clones because he's a stand up guy. I didn't say no, so just before I get dragged away he tell her, "The extra cash is to make it special."

She just grinds on me for the first song. The second song starts and she starts getting rough: slamming her (large) ass on my lap, dragging her nails across my back, ripping my shirt open, and slamming me back into the seat. I told her I'm not really feeling it, but she's not really paying attention. Then she unzips my jeans and starts yanking my pants down. Free Beej, right? Wrong. The song is about to end and she slithers down to her knees and casually bites my dong. Bites it. Hard enough to hurt. The song and she asks if I want another.

I pulled my pants up and strolled back to the table. My friends there were asking what happened to my shirt and all I really told them was, "She...she bit my dick."