MSU Red Cedar Message Board

You will also stop thinking about things that are "very important to you" right now, because their relative importance WRT the child is miniscule...

I'm gonna throw another one out there, for your own sanity, your wife's sanity and that of those close to you. This is obviously of much secondary importance to the well being of the child, but it's also an important lesson to learn.

People will be happy for you. They will be really, really happy for you. Family especially. But do keep in mind that you are not the only people who your acquaintances have come across who have had a baby. They ALL view this as far less of a big deal than you do and will. Don't get your (or your wive's) feelings hurt when people don't care as much as you think they should. As long as you think it's a big deal and treat the baby accordingly, that's all that matters.

Lots of surprisingly good advice here. I will echo the following:

1) We've had great success setting patterns. Do not deviate if at all possible.

2) Find a good babysitter and use him or her! You must go out of the way to have date nights.

3) You can't control what a baby does so when they don't do as you expect, let it go.

Actually I have heard this so much I do this with my first kid.

My brother in laws wife, on the other hand, makes everyone use hand sanitizer before picking up their kid.

This gets an upvote from me as an outsider and current non-breeder. There are people on my Facebook that post constantly about everything that their kid does. Wakes. Eats. Sleeps. Shits. Every mundane detail. I understand how exciting it can be to have a child, but it seems like they are just fishing for people to talk to them about their baby and commiserate. It has nothing to do with not being happy for them, but they were much more interesting and valuable when everything out of their mouths wasn't about how amazing their kid is and how wonderful the gift of life is. Don't be that person. Treat your friends the same. They'll come to you when they want to see your child and ask you when they are curious about how they are doing. Sometimes, you forget that they have a kid now and don't ask them. Just because it takes over 100% of your day doesn't mean that anyone else thinks about it. Doesn't mean that they don't care.

Just remember that you are charged as his parents to help raise and support him to be who he is SUPPOSED to be and already is from the beginning, NOT who you have imagined him to be.

Also babies are not supposed to sleep through the night. So tell everyone who asks you that stupid ass question after about two weeks to shut the heck up. Or just lie. If you get a long sleeper, great. But many don't sleep long stretches for a long while and it is not because you are a bad parent or being suckered by responding to the little darling. It is NORMAL. Don't sweat it.

It is very challenging to day after day meet the needs of a small person. They can be very demanding. But remember that you signed up for this! And if you meet the needs while they are in whatever stage they are in, those needs eventually pass and they go on easily to the next developmental stage. If you fight it and try to force them to not have the need or move ahead before they are ready, it probably won't work.

And like a few others have said, help each other out. It will be inevitable that one or the other of you will at some point become overwhelmed and agitated by whatever is being thrown your way and that is the time to step in and take over without complaining to give the other person a break.

At least until the second one shows up....

Enjoy this new phase of your life.

First of all congratulations. Second, no advice about children is legitimate until you have lived it yourself. I don't give a rip that there might have been six billion already born, there isn't one that has been born until yours is born. You can't even begin to fathom your love for that child until he is born and you meet him in person.

Your life priorities will change drastically to where that kid will be the number one thing in your life and you will not complain at all. You will also love your wife more after he is born because she gave him to you.

The only thing better than being a parent is being a grand parent. If you want to hear me gush about that as well, let me know.

Serious advice.

1. Enjoy your alone time. Everyone's gonna want to pay respects and stop by. Don't be ashamed to just say no.

2. Don't get caught up in diagnosing your kid's condition(s). Take Internet message boards with a grain of salt when it comes to understanding illnesses and "warning sign." Trust your doc over Internet mommies with too much time on their hands.

3. Trust your instincts.

4. Make sure you and your wife have date nights. Force yourselves to go out if you have to.

5. Less is more. You don't need half the shit you've been sold on. You need 1 stroller. You need 1 stand up playset. You don't need a rocker AND a bouncer AND a swinger. You don't need a wipe warmer, ferchristsake.

How can I put this? I don't want to disrespect anyone's point of view.

AA is totally right. You don't want to overwhelm your friends, especially those who don't have kids. You can kind of look at it this way, Trevor. You, as an alumnus of Michigan State University, have a special bond to your school. You hold all things MSU sacred. You probably met your wife there, many of your lifelong friends. Got married at the chapel. I think you work there. You may get sentimental looking over the Red Cedar River from North Campus on a beautiful autumn day.

It's really difficult - impossible even - for someone who became a fan of the University of Michigan because their uncle liked Bo and watched them every Saturday, to comprehend why you might have more invested in MSU than they do UM. It's just a completely different perspective. You can't understand why they think the way they think and they can't understand why you think the way you think.

That's kinda what it's like. Your kids will be the single most important thing in the history of your life, from the time you were born until the time you die.

No one else is going to understand that, and you shouldn't expect them to.

A lot of people have parents (Grandparents) that live far away. Yeah we could email, but it is much easier on Facebook. Hell my 86 year grandma looks at all of her Great Grand kids on out facebook page, and she has twenty.

I never understood this until my son was recently born. We live away from most of our famiy and If we don't put pictures of him on Facebook at least once every couple days my phone blows up asking for them.
Just easier to throw one up there from my phone and then they all can see it on there.

Congrats Trevor and Mel -

Now pay attention:

1) When you bring junior home, he sleeps in his own room and you need to make lots of noise right from the start, so much that he actually needs noise to sleep. DO NOT KEEP THINGS DEATHLY QUIET while he sleeps or guess what - you then have to be quiet all the time to get him to sleep.

2) When he cries because things aren't going his way - don't pick him up and comfort him or guess what - he learns to cry to get attention. Do the opposite, when he stops crying, then give him a hug. Only reward positive behavior.

That's all the advice I have - it worked wonders for me. My daughter is a hooker, and my son is in prison for carjacking.

No matter how much you think it sucks not knowing what day of the week it is after your 28th straight night of being up at 3am, parenting only gets tougher as they get older and as you have more kids. Soak it in when they are really little cause it flys by and In reality you still have it easy. Congrats and good luck.

P.s. - Do not coddle!!!!