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No, this is not from the Onion.
WASHINGTON s some of the helpful advice in a new instructional...
Question authority. Power to the people
Those scissors have black handles. Does that make them assault scissors?
I have some assault weapons stashed in the corner of my home office for this very reason. I think there are more than 30 of them. Don't tell anybody.
only if they have a pointy end, then they are a military-style (bayonet) weapon of death. round ended scissors are not assault scissors.
be that as it may... i, for one, am not ready to arm our teachers with any kind of scissors.
As a side note, I tried gluing pistol grips to a few of my larger assault rocks, which would make them more lethal, of course, but they kept falling off when I tested them out at the local elementary school by throwing them at The Childrenz.
Next I’m going to try putting a few of the smaller ones inside a barrel shroud and tossing that, to see how that goes.
In a related release, the CDC reminds us it is unsafe to run with scissors.
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